Tonight Poor Kyle and I are getting caught up on American Idol. I can hardly believe that the finale was three days ago and I have been able to keep my head out of the internets long enough to be ignorant of the winner still. It’s a first-world miracle.

I don’t think my luck can hold out much longer, though, so we are having a marathon this weekend.

We are caught up to the Top 6; just finished watching the Queen episode (which was very good [with the exception of Hollie] but how could it be anything less? I love Queen music), and I am going to announce my predictions right here and now before we continue.

Well, actually I’m going to announce TWO predictions: one for the outcome if it were only up to me and my perfect world, and one for what I think will actually happen (because I am usually WAY out of touch with the majority of American Idol watching-and-voting public, so much so that I stopped watching the show altogether the week Alex Lambert was voted off back in 2010 [when Ellen was a judge, pretty much the glory days if you ask me, remember David Archuleta and Brooke White?] and never watched another episode until just this season when Poor Kyle basically forced me to get sucked back in)…

So here goes:

IN MY PERFECT WORLD:

1. Hollie Cavanagh would be gone this week. (Sorry Hollie, you’re nice but you’re in over your head.) (Truthfully I think it was a terrible shame she outlasted Colton Dixon, who was kind of annoyingly emo but still way better than Hollie.)

2. Next to go would be Jessica Sanchez. Seriously, Jessica? You’re like 12. You’re whiny and fake and I suspect a bit manipulative and your pouty face isn’t fooling anyone. Go away.

3. Then Skylar Laine. I know, she seems like a really nice girl, firecracker and all that. I get it. I like the spunk. I’d probably even like her as a friend. But country music, with the exception of maybe twelve songs, needs to die.

4. After Skylar should be Joshua Lidet. I like Joshua’s voice. A lot, actually. Smooth, svelte, it’s rich. I’d probably even buy one of his albums. Just after the next two people’s, is all…

5. The finale would be between Elise Testone and Phillip Phillips, and neither of them would lose. Instead, it would be a two-way tie and a surprise wedding ceremony all in one. Elise and Phillip would get married and tour the world together and produce beautiful music-making babies.

Elise’s voice? Get out, it’s everything I wish mine was (WTF am I even talking about? My voice is so bad even WISHING it sounded like Elise’s is embarrassing).

And Phillip. GRACIOUS. Phillip. I don’t even care that he sort of assumes the face of a serial killer when he sings: his voice is phenomenal, his personality is hilarious, and his refusal to bend to anybody’s expectations is exactly what this country needs for a role model right now.

WHAT WILL PROBABLY HAPPEN BECAUSE AMERICA ALWAYS GETS IT WRONG:

1. Hollie will get voted off (come on, even America can’t get it wrong enough to miss that).

2. Elise, because America hates strong women who sing rock.

3. Skylar, because America hates strong women who sing country only slightly less than strong women who sing rock.

4. Joshua, because America likes him but not as much as Phillip and Jessica.

5. Phillip, because America is too in love with Jessica to let an actual hero win.

6. Jessica will win, because I’m due for a good outrage and America is so easily deceived.

So there’s my predictions. I honestly wish I hadn’t got so sucked in to watching this season, but at this point it’s not like I can very well just NOT FIND OUT.

But I’ll make sure to try really hard not to get sucked back in next season.

Okay, back to the marathon. Wish me luck and don’t spoil it for me if you already know!

–cpsf

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