I guess maybe some of you are wondering where I’ve been lately.
That is a very good question.
I have been:
In Texas, commemorating the life of a man I both loved and barely knew.
In Arizona, feeling bad that I am heartless enough to be a tiny bit grateful that he died so I could have an excuse to spend an extra, unexpected week with my family. Who even does that?
In Alberta, attempting to come to terms with the fact that, for the first time in five years, I have felt an inkling of love for this place I guess I call home now. Okay, so more than an inkling. Maybe I actually really love it a lot and it breaks my heart because, well, a heart divided cannot possibly stand.
Soaking up little drops of summer. Drinking so much diet cola I’m pretty sure I’ll die of aspartame cancer. Luxuriating in the joy of bamboo sheets (buy a set; you won’t regret it). Sleeping with the windows open at night (please don’t break in and rape me, I am terrible in bed, ask Kyle). Waking up to a gentle breeze every morning, and our house at 66 degrees. Laughing at the absurdity that I miss the days when I was a college student and had my whole summers free. Freaking out because everyone keeps hinting at me that I should be having kids now. Sometimes awkwardly bringing it up myself just to beat them to the punch. So insecure. Freaking out some more because the truth is, one year after finishing my degree, I still feel in no way ready to be a mother. (See, I’m doing it again.) Trying to gear myself up for exercising again after pretending all summer like I was too busy to do it. Hating the squishy feel of myself. Loving the new (and only, believe it or not) self-serve frozen yogurt bar in town. Seeing the irony in all of this.
And very much looking forward to the launch of the new iPhone. I’m still using the 3GS I’ve had for three years now and it’s really cramping my first-world style.
I wanted to tell you these things a long time ago but it was August, and, as you know, I refuse to do anything productive at all in August, ever. It’s against my religion. The religion of August Sucks and Deserves No Credit for Anything Good, Just Die Already August.
September, on the other hand…well that’s just a whole nother story.
I know myself well enough to hold off declaring boldly, “I’M BACK.”
But, at least for now, I’m here.
9 Responses to Been