Well, I’ve been detoxing my hair for three weeks now, and I feel like my life is changed.

Do you realise how monumental this is, my friends?  I HAVE NOT USED SHAMPOO OR CONDITIONER ON MY HAIR FOR THREE WEEKS, and I’m still alive to tell the tale.

Even when I first wake up in the morning—a time of day generally known for the most atrocious of hairstyles—my hair doesn’t look half bad.  I’m not being arrogant or cocky; I’m not saying that my hair is beautiful, wonderful, the best hair in the land…but really, for just-out-of-bed hair, it’s not too shabby…

It won’t win me any awards, but it’s a lot better than I expected.

Since the detox of my hair has gone so well, I’ve decided to detox the rest of my self.

Starting Monday, I’m going on a detox.  It’s going to be amazing.  I am going to eat no dairy, no gluten, no sugar, no red meat, and no white flour.  There will be a lot of lettuce involved.  It will be the first time in my life I will attempt to eat a salad without SOME sort of dressing on it.

It’s just starting to hit me what a big deal this is.  “How hard could it be,” I thought, “I’ll just have a bowl of cereal for breakfast.” Oh wait.  No milk.  “Well, then I’ll just have toast.” Oh wait.  No gluten.  “Well, then I’ll just have bacon.” Oh wait.  No red meat.  I guess I’ll just have a bowl of quinoa with a splash of water for…flavour.

Dadgummit.

I’m not doing it alone, though.  My new e-friend, Kate Lines, of Kate Lines Photography notoriety, is joining me in this detoxification quest {to be completely honest [and I’m always completely honest], it was her idea in the first place}.

And to be honest again, I don’t really believe in detoxes.  I have always sort of considered them a hoax.  But ever since the No ‘Poo movement went so well for me, material for my blog has run sort of dry.  {I mean, weren’t you all secretly hoping for that experiment to fail so I could drag it out for weeks?  But here it is, working wonders for my hair, and my updates are becoming really boring.  “Day 1—Good hair.  Day 7—Good hair.  Day 14—Good hair.  It’s getting kind of old.}

But back to how I think detoxes are sort of a hoax:  Dr. Oz doesn’t believe in detoxes, so how can I be expected to?  (I believe in Dr. Oz, though.  I believe in him like I believe in karma, Santa Claus,d and four-leafed clovers.)  I don’t really think it’s going to be worth it.  My only hope is that it will draw me into a weakened physical state which, in turn, should (could?) heighten my spirituality and mental agility.  Sort of like a Ghandi peace fast—I’ll have a Ghandi fast for brilliance.  It will be like chicken soup for my soul.  Well, I won’t be allowed to drink chicken broth, or sodium, so it’s actually more like a pot of hot boiling water for my soul.    I need a revelation.

I need blog fodder.

If nothing else, I can wax poetic about how miserable I am every day.

Anyone else care to join us?  It should be a good time.

p.s.  I’ll be off the internet for a few days, so don’t get your feelings hurt if I’m not emailing you back right away.  Have a happy Fourth of July!

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