Wife: Hey, my Love? I have a problem with my _______________ [fill in the blank with any number of common annoyances; possible options include: internet connection, sore shoulder, check engine light, garbage disposal, mother-in-law, yard work, laptop, hangnail]. Can you please help me?

Husband: Ugh…I’m kind of busy playing this very important video game right now. Can it wait? For three to seven months or possibly forever?

Wife: Oh…

Husband: Great, thanks.

Wife: Okay. Never mind.

Husband [Continues playing video game]: …

Wife: It’s probably too hard, anyway. I tried everything I could think of anyway and I couldn’t figure it out, so I don’t think you could’ve gotten it.

Husband, still oblivious: …

Wife: I mean, it’s impossible to fix.

Ten minutes later after accomplishing such-and-such video game quest or mission…

Husband: Wait, what? What did you say?

Wife: Hmmm? Oh, I just said I already tried everything there was to try and nothing worked, so it’s impossible to fix.

Husband: What is?

Wife: That thing I was telling you about. The one I’m having trouble with? The online bank statement/diarrhea/leaky faucet? It’s hopeless. Can’t be done.

Husband: Did you try rebooting it?

Wife: Yes.

Husband: Did you try ____________?

Wife: Yes, yes, I tried that. I told you: I tried everything. Don’t worry, it can’t be fixed. It’s okay. I’m over it.

Husband [powers down video game console]: We’ll just see about that!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Some call it manipulation.

I call it magic.

Sheer, wonderful marital magic.

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