I struggle with overwhelming guilt when I go for more than one day without posting. I feel extremely neglectful of you people. I don’t have any good reason for staying away so long; I was mostly just lounging around all weekend. Not cleaning, not studying, not working, just lounging. It was nice, and most likely the last time I’ll get to do that this year, so I might as well enjoy it and be grateful. Right? Good.
Anyway, I’m back for now, and I have something very important to tell you: As of this writing, my armpit waxing video has had 428 hits on YouTube™.
When I wrote that post a few days ago about how to self-wax one’s own armpits, I never imagined the video would get more than a couple of views—maybe fifty at the most. The fact that it has exceeded my expectations by such a large number is easily one of the greatest accomplishments of my young life. I’ve even gotten two comments on it. Well, I’ve gotten two comments, but only one of them is an extraordinary masterpiece the likes of which I have never before seen. It is amazing, and I about died of heart failure due to uncontrollable laughing when I saw it. I suppose you’d like me to relay to you what the amazing comment is? Okay, here it is…
Just in case you can’t read that, I’ll recap: It reads, “ummmmmmmmmmm i want lick it.”
Oh yes, my friends, it’s true. Somewhere in the world there exists a human being who wants to lick my smooth armpit. I have arrived.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “That is totally a spam comment. It can’t be serious.” I know you’re thinking that, because I thought the same thing at first. But after giving it more thought, I have decided it is legit. I mean, who WOULDN’T want to lick my freshly-waxed armpit? I know I would lick it if I could reach it; that I cannot is one of the greatest tragedies of my existence to date:
I want lick it. No reach. Oof.
{Actually, now that I think of it, maybe my video really did only have 50 hits; probably the rest of them have all been from my armpit fetish harboring stalker. What a bummer.}
Anyway, the point is, smooth armpits have changed my life. Up til now, I have always suffered with razor burn and ingrown hairs and all manner of itchy irritability under there. Suddenly, though, with the rip of a few well-placed strips, my armpits are smooth and completely itch-free. I don’t have to go around trying to discreetly scratch under there (which Poor Kyle has caught me doing on more than one occasion, and he may or may not have laughed at the way I looked like a gorilla while doing so). It’s changed my life. And for the record, today, five days after waxing my armpits for the first time, I am JUST starting to see little sprouts of underarm hair creeping out again. That is four days’ worth of smoothness more than I’ve ever gotten from a simple razor blade. I impress myself. And I urge you to try waxing YOUR armpits, if smoothness under there is at all a priority for you.
This whole fiasco has made me realise a new goal in my life: To become famous on YouTube™. I want to make one of those movies that goes viral and gets emailed in chain letters the world over. It’s a lofty ambition, I know, but I’m convinced I can make a go of it.
In other news, I’ve just had word that I did not win the writing contest I entered a few days ago. Too bad, so sad. I guess I’ll never make it as a writer.
Good thing I have my YouTube™ career as a backup plan.
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