Once upon a time, I set my New Year’s resolutions in February.

It worked for me.  I knew I was going to break them all anyway, so why start in January when the rest of the world is equally failing?  February suited me.

This year I am once again jumping on the bandwagon of traditions, but I’m not waiting until January first. I started today.

My first resolution was a joint goal with a friend: lose 25 pounds in six months.  Together, we have committed to exercising at least four days a week from now until June 31st, and for every day we work out we will each put a quarter (25 cents) in a jar.  For every pound we lose, we’ll put a dollar in the jar.  Hopefully by June 31st, we’ll have worked out and lost enough weight to have a fairly decent down payment on a pair of jeans from the Buckle™.  [At least, jeans are my incentive. Chelsie might choose something else, but whatever it is, we’ll be shopping together.]

If I lose 25 pounds, I will be 10 pounds lighter than I’ve ever weighed in my adult life.  What an exciting thought.

Also, we aren’t eating sweets.  I’ve had no less than 10 opportunities to eat sugary sweets today, and I’ve passed them all up.  Perhaps you might be proud of me, thinking I’m getting my health in order and starting the year off on the right foot.  Maybe it seems like I’m full of will-power and self control.

You’re wrong; it’s going to be a very long six months.

Don’t worry, though: if I fail at this weight-loss resolution, I’ll have about a million chances to succeed at something else.  This year, I have a long list of ways I’d like to better myself.  On the off chance you might be interested to see what I’d like to improve, I’ve listed my resolutions here for all the world to see…

…In poem form.

I Resolve

An Archives of Our Lives Original

I resolve to grow my hair,

To trim my nails and floss with care;

To brush my teeth both morn and night

Despite the days I’m tucked inside.

I resolve to swear off pop,

[To really, really, really stop].

And furthermore, I’m spurning sweets

Which is, for me, a loathsome feat.

On top of that, I’ll wear more hats,

And learn to love my belly fat.

I’ll read my camera’s owner’s guide,

And take more pictures from outside.

I’ll do my best to blog each day

To earn some cash the AdSense™ way;

So when I am done with school

I’ll be a high-paid English fool.

As usual, I’ve set the standards high for myself:  Brush my teeth every day even if I’m not seeing people; read up on taking pictures; try and earn money of my very own {legally, if at all possible}.  If I accomplish even one of these pathetic resolutions, I’ll have really accomplished something.  Obviously, I view New Year’s Eve as an overrated time to set goals—sometime I’ll share with you my life list of things to do, which is far more interesting than the willy-nilly fake goals I set every year as a joke.  Until then…

…Happy New Year, everyone.  Do something nice for yourself and set the bar low this midnight—I’m pretty sure you’ll thank me later.

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