Mornings lately have had an autumnal feel about them. Chilly, crisp, fresh. Fall is near, and I’m reflecting on the events of the past six months.
It’s hard to believe it was only six months ago we got serious about decluttering and listing our house for sale. We rented a storage unit, had a yard sale, hired a professional photographer, and got a realtor. We listed and waited. We had a lot of showings, but it seemed to take forever for anything serious to happen. Finally the house sold, and in somewhat of a daze we proceeded to search for a new house in a nearby bigger city. We found it, bought it, and moved in. And although it is far from my dream home, it’s been a good move for us. Slowly but surely it’s starting to feel a little less foreign. We’ve even had a houseguest and a dinner party here!
Amidst all that, there have been trips. We took a family trip to Utah to see my parents and nephews (mini family reunion). Hutch and I took a spur-of-the-moment trip down to Arizona to visit the rest of the bunch, and then a month later Hutch and I went back to Utah for a book signing and presentation at Sunstone. There have been a couple of quick weekend getaways here and there as well—one to Kyle’s sister’s cabin in Montana, and a couple of quick jaunts up to Calgary just for fun (and for Ikea, which is actually redundant because Ikea = fun).
Plus I’ve had work to keep me busy.
Anyway, the point of this recap is to say that this summer has been intense, and adding to that intensity is the fact that I’ve been pregnant since March. It’s kind of funny, maybe a little sad even, that this pregnancy has taken quite the back seat to…well, life…when my pregnancy with Hutch was my life for 10 months. This time, though, I’ve been so busy that I kind of barely even think about it. That’s both good and bad: good because it has been an easy pregnancy and I haven’t needed to think about it much (knock on wood), but bad because I feel like this baby is getting the short end of the stick, life-wise, especially compared to Hutch.
When I was pregnant with Hutch, I knew to the day how many weeks along I was at any given moment (20 weeks, 3 days; 21 weeks, 0 days). This time around I can barely remember what trimester I’m in.
But despite how distracted I’ve been these past few months, the knowledge that life will soon be changing for us is never far from my mind. I can’t decide if having a second baby will be a bigger change or a smaller one than having the first. On the one hand, we’ve already done this once, so it *should* be a little easier the second time around (supposing this baby is as healthy and mellow as Hutch was, knock on wood and pray for me). On the other hand, though, this time we’re not just changing two lives…we’re changing three. And Poor Hutch really has no idea what’s about to happen. We’ve tried to tell him Mommy’s having a baby, that he’s going to be a big brother, but he just doesn’t get it. How could he? He has no frame of reference for what this means.
So with that in mind—with the knowledge that Hutch’s tiny little world will soon be shaken forever—I’ve been trying to make this summer as magical as possible for him. Pretty much anything he wants, he gets (I mean, within reason…but then his wants are pretty reasonable at this point: donuts, ice cream cones, visits to dad at work, tractor rides with Papa, sliding down slides, reading The Cat in the Hat seven times in a row). I don’t have much energy to do any of these things to be honest, but I try to do at least one joyful thing a day with him, so that as he lays down each night he might sort of feel like his life is a little bit awesome.
Yesterday we drove by a parking lot carnival and Hutch saw all the lit-up rides, something he’d never seen or imagined before, and in childhood exuberance and with perfect clarity he squealed, “WHOA! THAT’S A LOTTA TOYS!” After dying laughing, Kyle and I agreed it had to be done.
Anyway I don’t really have a point to all of this except to say that change is in the air. I feel it, and I’m both excited and nervous for how it will all work out in the end. I hope Hutch loves his baby brother. I hope they get along. I hope I don’t zone out with Baby #2 the way I did when Hutch was born—these boys need their mama to be present. I hope we’re all healthy and happy for the rest of our lives. I don’t even care anymore if we ever get rich. I just want everyone I love to live long and fulfilled lives.
Happy autumn, everyone.
