In third grade (Grade Three, Canadians) my teacher, Mrs. Easterling, paired up with another teacher in Detroit and hooked all of her students up with pen pals.

It was awesome.

For like a month.

And then it sucked, because I only got one letter.

Anyway, ever since then, I have always wanted a real, live pen pal, and since starting this blog, I’ve gained like 100. But online pen-pals are not the same as old-fashioned pen pals, because emails are a dime a dozen where real letters in real mailboxes are worth their weight in gold, and I promise these blog-awful clichés are going somewhere.

Like here, to the picture of the package I received in the mail from a REAL citizen of the REAL country of my dreams: England.

Yes, my friends, it’s true: I have fostered a relationship with a British person and we are BFFs now.

I’m practically Princess Di reincarnate.

See, it all started when Ros from England either found my blog or I found hers, I don’t quite recall. Either way, we were fast friends, and then one day she wrote this post about the British things in her British handbag (HANDBAG! SO BRITISH!).

And I was all, SQUEE, because I really am British at heart (but don’t tell Canada or they’ll take away my residency). I am fascinated by all cultures other than my own, always have been, but British is my longest-standing favourite. So I was excited to see the things a British person keeps in her purse, and I know you will be, too. Here’s what she had (photo swiped from Ticklepea herself):

(Even the plank wooden floor is undeniably British!)

See there, the pink and white circular tin on the right side of the photo? It’s called Rosy Lips Vaseline™, and apparently it’s the only product my British friend Ros deigns to use on her British lips.

So I, being the lip-product aficionado that I am, straightaway commented on Ros’s post and said I’d never heard of that stuff, and was it only available in England? Because if so, I’d have to come visit just for the sake of buying some myself.

Quickly, Ros realised the errors of her ways—an uninvited guest was not on her list of things to deal with this semester! So instead of allowing me to hop on the next plane and force her into friendship, Ros instead offered to send me a tin of the Vaseline (and just for good measure, she donned a necklace of garlic cloves to ward off eager would-be American house guests).

I was disappointed she wouldn’t let me move into her attic and follow her around all day mimicking a proper British accent, but I was pacified with the prospect of a package. It would do.

So we made a deal: a package for a package.

Well, look what finally came for me this week!

A British package! And Ros was awesome and went stamp-happy on the box, which, hello: just the sort of thing a good British pen pal would do.

Do you want to see my haul?

1. A real, British, hand-written letter with explanations for the contents of the package:

Her British penmanship should be a font, for reals.

And look! She even wrote, “ho hum!” So British.

2. A fancy variety pack of British Tea:

The flavours sound amazing.

3. A British mug with which to drink my British tea:

4. British candy:

My favourite was the Kinder hippo which I failed to properly photograph before devouring it in one enormously greedy bite. Next time I go to England I will buy cartons of those delicious morsels and have a massive giveaway on my blog. It was amazing.

5. British stamps in a collage, courtesy of a real British stamp collector (Ros’s dad):

(This is going on my desk.)

6. British swag:

7. A British copy of a British classic by one of my favourite British authors (and I have been meaning to read it for years now!):

I love the simplistic look of the cover. Such good design is of course British.

8. And, my favourite item of the package—Rosy Lips Vaseline™:

Not only is the container amazing (“gently tints and cares for lips”)…

…but it smells heavenly and WORKS LIKE DADGUM BRITISH MAGIC. Which is way better than the American kind.

My only fear now is what I’ll do when I run out of it—it’s going to be a sad, sad day, and judging by how fast I’m using the stuff, it’s not far off. I might get my trip to England yet!

Thanks, Ros, for the bit of excitement amidst this otherwise-dreary week. You’re a regular pal. I hope you like your return package!

Everyone should have a British pen pal. Only not Ros—she’s mine. Get your own real live British friend, fool.

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