So I Married a Mentalist

One thing that infuriates me about my husband is his staunch refusal to justify my infuriation.

That is to say, he never grants me the satisfaction of being rightfully upset with him. He’s developed this incredible knack for turning it right around and placing all the blame back on me.

The worst thing is that he’s usually right—or at least, his crazy-killer mind techniques usually convince me that he’s right. I’ll be upset about something, like, say, his coming home late without bothering to let me know in advance, and I’ll be stomping around slamming cupboard doors and glaring daggers into the back of his head, but instead of apologising and grovelling like any decent sitcom husband would do, he’ll simply get mad at me for being mad at him.

In the blink of an eye, he’s the one stomping around slamming cupboards and I’m all like, “Dang, I’ve done it again—I’ve gone and screwed up and now my husband’s mad at me.”

So invariably I’ll come shamefacedly back to him, saying “Oh, PK, I know I should’nt’ve gotten mad at you, I know you deserve a better wife than me, please let’s not let this ruin our night” and suddenly BAM! ALL MY FAULT!

How does he do that? He’s some sort of Patrick Jane of marriage spats, I think. A mentalist. A wife whisperer.

I feel a little deceived, too, because he was never like this back when we were dating. Before we got married, he was all the time apologising for crap I was mad about, and I’m pretty sure he knowingly let me believe I was always right. It isn’t fair, I think, for him to suddenly flip the Yes Dear switch as soon as he got a solid commitment out of me, as soon as I said I Do. At least for my part, when we were dating, I never acted differently as a girlfriend than I intended to act as a wife. One time I even straight up told him that he could scratch my back all he wanted but I hated doing it for other people so not to expect much in that department. That’s the kind of girlfriend I am: completely transparent from the start. None of this sneaky mind control with me. I’m an open book, relationship-wise.

And of course it annoys me, but what can I do? The whole point of his scheme is to keep me from feeling justifiably annoyed, ever. If I get annoyed about not being able to be annoyed, he’ll just flip that like all the rest and in minutes I’ll be apologising for ever feeling upset about not ever getting to feel upset.

It’s a genius plan.

I only wish I’d been the first to develop it.

Posted in Married Life, oh brother what next, Poor Kyle | 5 Comments

Saturday Steals Recap and A Funny Thing I Noticed on My Way to Hitting “Publish”

We had four wonderful participants for Saturday Steals over the weekend. I was worried I wouldn’t have any, seeing how it’s been approximately seventeen years since I hosted a Saturday Steals extravaganza, so thanks to those of you who joined me in stealing.

In case you were too busy or lazy to click their links and see what they stole, I will quickly recap:

Chloe from My New Life as a Housewife stole a great many things on her recent holiday in Tenerife:

Anonymous My Sister from Five to Nine Furnishings stole a really sweet headboard and turned it into an even sweeter front porch bench:

Nain from View from Down Here stole some lovely (and free, so even lovelier) Mary Kay swag:And Ros from Ticklepea stole books galore for ten pence (PENCE! I love England) each:Thanks, guys, for not leaving me hanging, steal-wise, over the weekend. That would’ve been awkward.

Guess what? I have met, spoken with, and slept under the same roof as THREE of the four aforementioned Stealers! One of them is my sister, and two of them used to be strangers but now are truly dear friends (I can’t wait to get to the part of my European Holiday recap where they come in—that’s when my trip got REALLY good).

Nain, you’re the only one I haven’t met in real life, and I feel this must be remedied at your earliest convenience…

Posted in blogger finger, Saturday Steals | 3 Comments

Saturday Steals: Curb Appeal

Hello, and welcome to another rousing round of Saturday Steals, where what you get is what you see and what you see is cheap or free!

To participate, simply:

1) Steal a steal.

2) Write a post about it on your blog, mentioning that you’re participating in Saturday Steals (you can steal the above image if you so desire), and

3) Add the link to said post to the list at the bottom of this post.

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Maybe you caught on to the fact that my parents came to visit us here in Mayberry for ten days last month. Poor Kyle and I had an excellent time showing them all the greatest things  that Mayberry and the surrounding area {okay, pretty much ONLY the surrounding area} has to offer. It felt like we were constantly going the entire time they were here, which was great because it was the only holiday they had this summer and it’s important to make the most of your holiday if it’s to be your only one.

As busy as we were, though, we still had a few days with not much planned, and on just such a day my mom said to me while we were eating breakfast:

We want to buy some flowers and plant them in your front yard.

Truthfully, with as busy as I’ve been ever since school got out in April, I haven’t had even a moment to spare on yard work and beautification. Things at my house were in a pretty sorry state, horticulturally speaking, and I blushed while responding:

No way. I’m too busy with work this week to help you plant flowers in my front yard and there’s no way I’m going to let you do it if I can’t help.

Well, you can see the outcome of that argument below:

20110812-040024.jpgIsn’t it beautiful? My mom and dad spent hours working in a yard that wasn’t even theirs with flowers that they forked out their own hard-earned dough for and which they didn’t even get to see for more than a week. If I think about it too much I get a little choked up so I’d better stop there.

My mother-in-law also contributed (unwittingly) to the cause by going out of town for three weeks and bequeathing unto me two potted geraniums to tend while she was gone:

20110812-035840.jpgShe never saw them again, of course.

And, for my own part, I’m not completely worthless (though I can see why you might think otherwise): after I got back from Europe in June I transplanted the little sproutlets I’d been growing on my windowsill for the past six months into bigger pots on my front steps, which sproutlets matured into full-fledged foliage right around the time my parents left:

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I don’t know what this is called but it starts with an N and it came from a packet of seeds I bought at Dollarama two summers ago. At its peak I counted 26 blooms on the sucker. Not bad for like twelve cents.

20110812-040043.jpgSnow peas (crossing my fingers that they actually bear some delicious bounty before the summer ends).

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Cilantro (because I’m a good Arizona girl).

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Basil (because I fancy it).

20110812-040115.jpgAnd Marigolds (to keep bugs from chowing down my cilantro and basil).

So there you have it: one front yard looking 100% lovelier than it’s looked in ages, with my parents footing the majority of the bill and manual labour and only a teensy percentage of effort from myself.

I’ve even had comments from multiple neighbors expressing appreciation for the fact that our yard no longer makes our house look like a seedy meth lab.

And you can’t put a price on that kind of community good will.

So I call that a steal.

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Now it’s your turn! What have you stolen lately?

Add your steal to the link list below to share it with the world. The list will be open from now till Sunday at 11:59 p.m.

Posted in family, Green Living, Saturday Steals | 8 Comments

Paris the Sixth—Louvre Day

This is an update of the amazing trip I took to Europe last summer. Slowly but surely I’m posting about every day I spent on that excellent continent. To read earlier updates, click herehereherehereherehereherehere and here. And here. And here and here and here and here and here and here.

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Here are some excerpts from my journal on Day Six:

20110808-021608.jpg

This week has flown by in some ways and dragged in others. I am getting really sick of group work, but there seems to be no end in sight. I have been at the Louvre for nine hours today with my group. I am sore and tired like usual, but fulfilled (also like usual). We will be here probably a few more hours.

20110808-021624.jpgNike of Samothrace, Unknown, c. 200-100 BCE

It’s been nice to see the Louvre again but this time with someone who knows the history of the place. It’s a satisfying feeling to see paintings and sculptures that I’d only ever seen in textbooks before. Like the accomplishment of a lifelong goal. 

20110808-021733.jpgOath of the Horatii, Jacques Louis David, 1748

I also liked seeing the Mona Lisa again, not so much because it’s a beautiful painting (I’ve never thought it was), but because I could look at it from a bit of a different perspective than I did the first time I saw it back when it was my one and only goal for the entire city of Paris. This time, I was able to step back and think, “Why the heck did I care so much?”

By the way, seeing the Mona Lisa in real life is not an easy feat because it’s always swarming with people like this:

In fact, that’s been my experience with most aspects of this trip. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older or just more cynical generally, but either way this trip has shown me that it’s really good I didn’t major in Art History/Museum Studies after all. I love it and will always have an interest in it, but I’m so glad I did not choose to dedicate my life to it.

 

20110808-021651.jpgVenus de Milo, Unknown, c. 300-200 BCE

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Can you tell that by Day Six I was getting a bit artlogged? I was exhausted from the rigour of the course, I was completely fed up with group work, I was frustrated with my internet situation, and all things combined had taken their toll on my cheery tourist optimism.

I tried my best to rally and enjoy being in Paris because I WAS IN PARIS, but by Day Six, I was emotionally, intellectually, and physically drained.

I felt exactly like these people (cashed out on one of the few-and-far-between couches in the Louvre’s great hall): 20110808-021742.jpgI was weary to the bone, but I knew I needed to step it up if I was going to enjoy the trip I worked so hard for. It seemed a terrible shame to waste my trip being cranky.

Luckily, that night I had a breakthrough.

But you’ll have to stay tuned to find out what it was…

Posted in awesome., French, my edjumacation and me, Travel | 3 Comments

Make it and Lie

This post is written in conjunction with the Spin Cycle over at Sprite’s Keeper, the topic of which this week is bad habits. Click here to see more of the habit-est posts on the internet this week.

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The first thing I did this morning after waking up and visiting the loo was make my bed.

Did you read that? THE FIRST THING I DID WAS MAKE MY BED.

Growing up, I was encouraged but not required to make my bed every morning, so of course I never did. I was far too preoccupied with the important things in life like naming each piece of my rock collection or squeezing my eyes shut so tight that I’d see fireworks (and I wonder why I’m so dadgum blind). Making my bed was the absolute least interesting thing I could possibly think of to do, and consequently I never did it.

Fast forward a couple of decades and you have me—a grown(ish) woman, married and living far away from home, old enough to have a credit card and life insurance and just a few months away from being able to rent a car without paying triple—and I still never make my bed.

That is, I never did until a few months ago.

That was when I came home from a really miserable day of school to teach a long string of piano lessons and come up with something semi-edible for dinner. After all of that, the only thing I wanted to do was drag myself into our bedroom and crawl into a cozy bed.

But instead what I did was drag myself into our bedroom and collapse in a heap onto an even bigger heap made up of sheets and duvets and pillows and brownie crumbs. (I’m joking about the brownie crumbs.) (Or am I?)

Our bedroom was no sanctuary; it was a dungeon and I hated the sight of it.

The funny thing was, the room wasn’t really even messy. The dirty clothes were in the hamper. The clean clothes were hung in the closet. The only thing truly out of sorts was the bed, and that’s when it hit me: make the bed and you can make the room.

A MADE BED MAKES A ROOM.

And an unmade bed breaks it.

I cringe a little bit to read those last two sentences. They are just a little bit too old-school-housewife-barefoot-in-the-kitchen-y for my personal preference. I feel like, in writing them, I am becoming everything I ever dreaded about the ultra-conservative mothers of my childhood playmates (you know the type—the ones who never allow their children to have sleepovers or even to stay up late on New Year’s Eve, the ones who don’t let their daughters choose their own outfit for school picture day, and yes, the ones who strictly enforce the make-your-bed-daily rule).

Still, as much as it is my nature to kick against those Pricks, the fact remains: I am a happier person when my bed is made (though never quite as happy as when I’m in it fast asleep).

So I made a resolution that day: I would take the Challenge of 30 (you know how they say it takes 30 days to make a habit out of something) to see if I could learn to love to make my bed.

The next day I forgot and didn’t get to it until 5:00.

The day after that, I remembered right before I had to leave for school.

The day after that, I really didn’t WANT to make my bed, but I did it anyway.

Day after day I smoothed those sheets and fluffed those pillows, and before I knew it I’d stopped dreading it so much. I’d stopped putting it off until right before it was time to get back in bed. I actually kind of looked forward to it.

I’m fully aware of the risk I’m taking in admitting this here. I know it makes me sound smug, and there’s nothing I hate more than smug girls bragging about crap like having super fast metabolisms or naturally curly hair or perfectly-made beds. But don’t worry, because I’m not smug. There are plenty of horrible habits I still maintain, like leaving used-up tissues lying around throughout the house, waiting until I literally can’t see my face in them before I clean the bathroom mirrors, and general clutter blindness.

But I can honestly say now that I make my bed every day.

I am the kind of girl who makes her bed every single day.

 

Weird.

Posted in awesome., change, health and vitality, I hate change, introspection, looking back, Married Life, mediocrity, what I'm about | Tagged , | 14 Comments

Bring it.

Bring back, bring back, bring back my bonny to me!

Hello.

Today I would like to announce that Saturday Steals is coming back!

That’s right, my friends, Saturday Steals has gone neglected for far FAR too long. It’s coming back and it’s coming back to STAY.

Starting today. Well, starting Saturday. Well, okay: Friday.

It’s been like six months or eight, but the time has come for me to get off my sorry bottom and start being a real blogger again. Saturday Steals, though it never got huge, was always a fun feature for me. Good times were had and will be had again.

I do hope you join in the fun. Remember, the Steals will open officially on Friday evening and run all the way though to Sunday night at 11:59. This will be a weekly occurrence from here on out, so don’t worry if you miss one—you can always catch it on the flip flop.

And I can hardly WAIT to share the incredible steal I have in store for you. It was recently described by someone who saw it as “the steal of a lifetime.”

I do think you’ll agree.

Hooray!

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Paris the Fifth

This is an update of the amazing trip I took to Europe last summer. Slowly but surely I’m posting about every day I spent on that excellent continent. To read earlier updates, click herehereherehereherehereherehere and here. And here. And here and here and here and here and here and here.

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On my fifth day in Paris my true love gave to me—no, not really. Actually I don’t believe in true love. I just believe in the Regular kind. You either love somebody or you don’t. There’s no such thing as fake love, so how can any one love be truer than another? I don’t buy it.

At any rate, my Regular Love (Poor Kyle, the man I married) didn’t give me anything on my fifth day in Paris, so this has all been nothing but a complete and utter waste of your time.

On my fifth day in Paris I…

…marveled at the foot of the Hôtel des Invalides20110803-101845.jpg

…took pictures of beautiful meringues just because they looked pretty (I actually hate the taste of meringue in almost all its forms)…20110803-101706.jpg

…fawned over French graffiti [Pierre Yves c’est un artiste? You bet he is!]…20110803-101719.jpg

…and French figs…20110803-101731.jpg

…fell a little bit in love with this sky blue vintage Vespa…20110803-101744.jpg

…and then fell a little deeper…20110803-101753.jpg

…had a “speak to my soul” moment with the guy on the right in the sculpture behind me (Rodin’s The Burghers of Calais). (I stood there and looked into his eyes for nearly ten minutes and I think we pretty much bonded)…20110803-101801.jpg

…which bonding experience drained me so thoroughly that when I spotted one of these lounge chairs in Rodin’s garden…20110803-101818.jpg

…I didn’t even hesitate to plop my big American body right on down and lounge.20110803-101809.jpg

Also notable: my dream car in the flesh:20110803-101835.jpg

And the cute little car seat in the back that was nearly the same size as the Mini itself:20110803-101827.jpg

 

Oh yeah—and seeing The Thinker in real life.

That was all right too:

Seriously?

Seriously.

I have some bona fide Regular Love for the city of Paris.

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This post is written in conjunction with the Spin Cycle over at Sprite’s Keeper, the topic of which this week is anything and everything! Click here to see more of the randomest posts on the internet this week.

Posted in French, Travel | 5 Comments