Hi.

I’m teaching piano lessons starting this fall.

Spread the word.

“What?” you ask, “You’re teaching piano lessons? Like, to children? But…I thought you hated children!”

Correction: I DO NOT HATE CHILDREN. Children are joyful little bundles of lovebugs. In fact, I just wrote a post about how much I like one kid in particular. Remember? I’ve written three children’s stories in the last week. Children are great. Children are the best.

Children whose parents pay me to teach them how to play piano are even better.

“But I thought you didn’t play the piano very well. I thought you mess up every week at church when you play the organ!”

Judgy, judgy… You’re a hard sell!

See, when I mess up on the organ, the key is that I DON’T QUIT. I don’t throw my hands up in the air right in the middle of our Sabbath worship and storm out in frustration. Nosiree, I am not a quitter (anymore). Isn’t that a quality you want your children to learn? I will teach them how not to freak out if they screw up. (Plus, I’m not THAT bad…I mean, I started learning when I was six. Sure, I’m no prodigy, but I can hold my own.)

I will teach your child(ren) to have fun.

Don’t believe me?

Well, you’re wrong—I AM SO MUCH FUN.

Also, I am awesome. Still don’t believe me? You can ask the neighbor boy down the street. Just the other day I was in my driveway spray painting a chair and the little dude rode up on his bike and hung out with me for like 30 minutes.

Which is PERFECT, because 30 minutes is EXACTLY how long my lessons are! See? Awesome in 30-minute increments, that’s me.

I have a treat jar. I have goodie bags. I have complimentary notebooks. I have practice charts with stickers and a shiny black piano that you can see your face in. And a bench that adjusts up and down with the flick of a wrist.

I am an excellent piano teacher.

I’ve taught before. I used to teach a lot. I haven’t taught since I moved to Mayberry (except for two students) because there is a lot of competition in this town and I didn’t want to step on any toes and also I was enjoying doing nothing with my life.

But this town is growing, and I figure there’s enough business to go around. Plus nothing is getting boring. (And nothing don’t pay no bills.) <—the only way that sentence could’ve sounded worse is if I’d thrown in an “ain’t” for good measure.

So the time has come.

I am teaching piano lessons.

And I need to drum up some business. Spread the word?

And then forgive me for using this blog to toot my own horn?

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