Winter is upon us. I’m reminded of all the snow we got last year. One day in December, I decided to brave the frozen white and do my civic duty, but I was no good at shoveling. I may never get used to the feeling of perspiring outside while it’s below freezing. Snotsicles make me so uncomfortable.

You know…uncomfortable. Like sweating giant pit-stains in a dark satin dress on prom night.

Like being caught unawares in a room full of children who are not *quite* potty trained.

Like having nightmares of being the wedding photographer who forgot to bring a camera.

It’s like eating cinnamon rolls for breakfast every day all winter and wondering why last summer’s swimsuit feels so…snug.

Like running into a husband’s skinny ex-girlfriend at the post office the day you didn’t bother with concealer. Or mascara.

It’s like being stuck on a toilet with nothing to read.