I always say, “Nothing should be hard on a Monday.”
Unfortunately, I rarely get what I want in life.
I am often faced with difficult encounters on Mondays. Today, for example, I will be meeting with the wisdom teeth weasels consultants, who will tell me all about how they’re going to drug me up, knock me out, slit open my gums, and tear out my four wisdom teeth by their roots with pliers and sundry torture tools. Of course such an atrocity would happen on a Monday, and the worst part is that it’s not actually happening today—they’re just going to tell me about it. I guess that’s standard procedure, but honestly, wisdom teeth people? I already know what this involves—you’re going to steal my teeth I’ve worked so hard to grow, take my Poor Kyle’s money, and leave me be to wallow in my lock jocket/dry locket/sock pocket. I hate you.
For anyone else who is having one of those Mondays today, I have come up with a post to help take your mind off your worries. It’s called a Random, and it’s not that random because every other blogger in the world has already done something exactly like this, but do your best to enjoy it anyway, because it’s all I’ve got for today.
1. People find my blog in such funny ways. I always get a kick out of search terms that lead unsuspecting internetters to my website:
My favourite recent one: Can I make it through childbirth if I am queasy? Some poor soul is pregnant and worried sick about it, so she turns to the internet to help calm her down, and what does she find? My website. Yeah, that oughtta cheer her right up. Poor sucker. A word of advice, love: You should have thought of that before you got knocked up.
2. The other day at school, I was descending a staircase and heard footsteps close behind me. {Tangent: Does that drive anybody else mad? I mean, I might not be walking down the stairs as fast as you’d like, buddy, but it’s wide enough for two—pass me! As it is, your right-on-my-tail footsteps are making me nervous.} This guy was following closely enough that I could hear him making funny noises with his mouth, and it sounded to me like he was a) trying to be a cappuccino machine like those old commercials {anyone remember them?}, or b) pretending to fly an airplane. At first I was weirded out, but then I thought, “Hey, why not? A guy can’t live in Never-Neverland anymore, just because he goes to university?” Fly high, buddy. Fly high.
3. The last time I went for my daily jog, I came across an album on my iPod entitled “Tyler’s Mix.” I have no idea who Tyler is—to my knowledge, I have only known two Tylers in my life: one is a distant relative, and the other I knew way before CDs were ever invented, so he couldn’t have possibly made me a mix. It’s too bad I don’t know Tyler, because his mix is pretty good, and I’d like to thank him.
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