You know how, when the human body is subjected to harsh environments, and the brain declares a state of emergency to the rest of the body parts, and all but the barest necessities are cut off to protect the really vital crap like the heart, lungs, and bowels (don’t tell me your bowels aren’t important to you, FIBBER), and pretty soon the fingers and toes and earlobes fall plumb off because they just didn’t make the cut?

Well, I am in just such a crisis…and this blog is my pinky toe right now.

(Note I did not say MY READERS are my pinky toes…you guys mean a lot to me. It’s just…this blog is draining too much oxygen right now, oxygen that would better serve bigger priorities, such as getting straight A’s and keeping myself fed and bathed and q-tipped and what-not.)

The good thing about this shutdown mode (And there’s always a good thing, because didn’t you hear? I’m a newly-converted Pollyanna.) is that it will not last longer than a couple of days. By this time next week, I’ll be smooth sailing into a world of loveliness full of popsicles and ponytails and SYTYCD and road trips and nephews and, oh yeah—no homework (i.e. summer break). But for now, forgive me if the quality of my posts is disappointing—forgive my flight-or-fight response; it knows not what it does.

The bad thing about this shutdown mode is that THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO HELP.

But wouldn’t it be great if there was? I mean, just think of it…here I am in crisis, and you all love me and want to help me through it, only you assume there’s nothing you can do even though if there WAS something you could do you totally would do it.

Too bad about that, right?

Well…

…as a matter of fact, there is something you can do.

Since you offered so generously.

Here’s how you can help:

1. Steal something.

2. Write a post about it (any time between now and Saturday).

3. On Friday afternoon-ish, when this week’s Saturday Steals post is published, come over to my blog and add your link.

It’s as simple as that.

Why would this help me, you ask?

Because, quite simply, I do not LIKE that this blog is my pinky toe right now. I WANT to give it the attention it deserves. And trust me, when I’m done with school in a couple of days, I WILL give it that attention. But between now and then, if you could help me have at least one stellar post (this weekend’s Saturday Steal), then this poor little underused, oft-ignored pinky toe blog of mine JUST MIGHT survive on your little breath of air—your e-CPR, if you will—long enough to make it to next Tuesday.

Really, you’re saving lives here, people.

You’re being a Rescue Ranger.

I (and my pinky toes) would be much obliged.

p.s. Have a good excuse why you shouldn’t help me? I HAVE A COUNTEREXCUSE:

Exhibit A: “I don’t know what a Saturday Steal is.” Try again.

Exhibit B: “I don’t know how to add my link.” No problem.

Exhibit C: “I don’t have any steals.” Bull hockey. Everybody has steals. They can even be steals you stole a long time ago.

Exhibit D: “I don’t have time.” Neither do I.

Exhibit E: “I don’t know what kind of steal to post.” Here’s a list of all the Saturday Steals posts I’ve hosted to date…read through them. Click on the added links at the bottom. You’ll figure it out. Steals come from all walks of life in any manner of forms. One time someone’s steal was carrots…AND IT WAS GREAT. One participant regularly steals books. AND THEY ARE GREAT.

Trust me…you cannot fail a steal. Unless you fail to steal. A failure to steal is a failed steal indeed.

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