All MINI™ images from here.
With Tamra Camry out of commission, and Thor as my current chariot, I’ve been spending more and more time thinking about my dream car. [Sorry, Thor. You’re a decent guy and all, but…you smell. Like a dirty old Ford truck. And I’m pretty sure Poor Kyle drove you to makeout hill on more than one occasion in high school. Therefore you have negative feng shui. In other words, you’re a swell stand-in, but I have my sights set a bit higher for the future.]
Don’t misunderstand: Tamra Camry is a seriously dependable gem of a car, and pretty fuel-efficient to boot, but…I killed her yesterday, and there’s no telling when, if ever, she’ll revive. So for now, I’m dreaming of brighter days. {I’m dreaming of richer days.} And yes, it’s just a dream, but cut me some slack—I’ve had a bad week.
A MINI Cooper™ is just the vehicle to drive my sorrows away. And, what luck! According to msn.com, a MINI™ is among the top 10 values for a fully-loaded vehicle (because someday I will own a fully-loaded vehicle; maybe not today, and maybe not until I’m too old to legally drive…but mark my words: it will happen), and you all know how I love a good deal. Here’s what msn.autos had to say about the smashing value of my dream vehicle [with my added insight in brackets]:
Built by BMW, the MINI Cooper is a premium small car with lots of available amenities. [I like amenities. Tamra has a cassette player.] Among the comforts are leather upholstery, heated seats [more necessary in Canada than I never knew possible], automatic climate control, a Harman Kardon audio system with high-definition radio [what the heck is a Harman Kardon, and why isn’t it called a Harman Karman?], a universal garage-door opener, keyless access and starting [when it takes 10 minutes to warm a car up before driving, keyless starting is a real bonus], Bluetooth cell phone connectivity, an iPod adapter [hey, I have an iPod™!] and a navigation system [heaven knows I’m “lost” without one of those]. Also available are rain-sensing wipers, heated washer jets and xenon headlights. [Will XENON headlights make me, like, become a warrior princess or something? That would be fantastic.] Choose all those options for the $18,550 base trim [hello my life savings—oh wait, I have no life savings] and the price tops out at $26,050 [this is almost doubled when buying a Canadian vehicle]. Or, buyers can choose the $28,550 John Cooper Works edition [sure, why not?], which includes a 208-horsepower turbocharged 4-cylinder engine, sport seats, fog lights, a rear spoiler, upgraded brakes, a performance suspension and 17-inch alloy wheels.
But at the end of the day, amenities are just fluff; let’s take a closer look at what I really want in a dream car [please note that these are not necessarily realistic expectations; I drive a Tamra Camry in my for-real life]:
1. Fuel efficiency. According to their website, a MINI™ is so fuel efficient, it could drive to the moon and back on 532* tanks of gas. *You cannot drive to the moon, even in a MINI, they say. But seriously, it gets 449 miles per tank of fuel, which is about 100 more than my same-sized Tamra Camry tank. Ideally, I would own a hybrid, but MINIs™ don’t come in hybrids yet. Maybe by the time I’m dead they will, which is perfect because that’s when I’ll be able to afford one.
2. Safety. Especially {as of yesterday} in winter driving. According to the amazing feat of Internet engineering (also known as the www.MINIUSA.com), the MINI™ is one of the safest compact vehicles available for winter driving. One feature in particular, Corner Braking Control, was created for situations just like yesterday’s accident. A day late and a dollar short; that’s what I say. To learn more, check out their incredibly hilarious, marketed-just-for-me website. If nothing else, the “worst-case scenarios” will make you chortle.
3. Chic-ness. I don’t really think words are necessary to solidify this point in anyone’s mind, except for maybe my sister’s mind, which cannot grasp the magnificence that is this car…
So I guess that settles it: A MINI Cooper™ is a perfect candidate for my dream car. Now I only need to decide one thing:
Pepper White, which is over-the-top precious…
…or Chili Red, which screams “I have spunk?”
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