My wisdom teeth removal went…as well as could be expected.  I’m alive, anyway.  That’s good.  Poor Kyle’s been a darling.

The Run-Down:

Woke up 6 a.m..  Showered.

Dried hair; braided (most conducive style for laying on one’s deathbed).  Arrived 7:30.  Surgeried 8:15.  Home by 9:30.  Only given prescription for IBUPROFEN (had been totally for Vicoden, so I could say crazy things on blog).  Vegged.  I’m not in a ton of pain (knock on wood), but one thing I’ve noticed is that my wrists feel really weak—can’t quite support my hands.  Is that normal?  Anyway, more details of the day to come.  Later.

I was super incoherent when I first came to, and I’m sure it would have been hilarious for me to have answered the questions then and there (as per the plan), but I wasn’t counting on not being able to talk on account of gauze, blood, mucous, and a dry, dry mouth/throat.  Sorry.

I tried to be funny with my answers anyway.  (I try really hard, actually.)

Deathbed Questions

1. How did you know PK was the one?
Lucky guess.

2. What made you decide to change your major to English?
Purely mercenary. Figured I could make more money writing than working in a (basically nonexistent, up here) museum. I miss Art History dreadfully, though.

3. Which is better–Heroes or 24?
24, simply because it’s the one I’ve kept up with best. When Heroes goes off the air, though, I fully intend to watch every season of it on DVD as quickly as possible.

4. Did you ever cut your sister’s hair while she was sleeping? Tell the truth!!!
YOU’RE ABSURD. I NEVER CUT YOUR HAIR WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING. I don’t know how that happened.

5. What will you write your first (published) book about?
A little girl whose name starts with D, and her sister A, and their exploits in the desert. It’s all in the works.

6. Is married life really worth it?
Totally overrated. Steer clear.  But when it comes to having surgery, it’s nice to have a friendly face there when you wake up.  I’m just sayin’.

7. Was taking a year off of school as nice as it sounds?
It was the most peaceful, relaxed year of my life (not working and being child-less may have contributed to that). I’m glad I can say, with full surety, that I enjoyed it to its fullest (while it lasted). And I mourned the loss of that year when it was over. I’m still mourning it.

8. Why is ASU horrid in your mind (I have my own reasons)?
Those bastards. The higher-ups at ASU are totally driven by money. They view the students as nothing more than sheep—herd ’em in, herd ’em out. The bureaucracy and general “red tape-ness” of it makes me ill, and not just because I had surgery today. It was nice of them to give me a scholarship, but losing it was probably the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.

9. When did you know we were going to be best friends?  (This from Chelise.)
When you made me that pillow for my stand in band.  When we sang “Hey, Nunny Nunny” for hours at our hotel during the Disneyland Band Trip of 2003.  When we ditched school to go buy fabric for my cloak so I could look amazing at LOTR, and then ditched more to go eat at Matta’s (RIP, Matta’s).

10. Are you over me calling you green with envy? (Again, from Chelsie.)
I will always love you, but I will never get over that.

11. I would like to know why you got married at such a young age (I’m not American, I’m Dutch, so maybe it has to do with the cultural difference that I don’t seem to get it). So many people fall in love with different persons during their twenties (and later on in their lives). If I would have married my first or second (or third) boyfriend I would be divorced right now…
Hello Dutch Friend!  I am a huge fan of your country!  This question deserves an entire post, and it will get one soon.  Super-short version: I always swore I’d never get married before 25.  I got married at 21.  I think it is partly American and partly Mormon culture.  I’ll explain it all another time.  But Poor Kyle wasn’t my second or third boyfriend—he was my fifth.  I always swore I would never marry the first/only guy I ever dated—at least in that, I stuck to my guns.  :  )

12. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?
Gotten my wisdom teeth removed when they were perfectly fine where they were.

13. How far did you get in the backward count after the needle?
He didn’t ask me to count.  I was crying, and he just kept talking to me, and finally he said, “Are you starting to feel it?  I can tell by your crazy cross-eyes that you are.”  I started laughing, and that was it.

14.  Are you all whiney right now?
Would I be me if I wasn’t whining?

15. What’s the smartest thing you’ve ever done?
Ummm…   That’s a hard one; I do so few smart things in my life…  I’d say it’s a toss-up between “lived in Europe before getting married,” and “came home from Europe to marry Poor Kyle.”

16. Are you going to milk this for all it’s worth? (as if that one’s not rhetorical).
Rhetorical is right—you bet I am.

17. When the drugs wear off, are you going to heave at the taste of blood?
Am I going to?  No.  Am I already doing it?  Yes.  It’s nasty.

18. Or have you already done so?
Ha!  See above.

19. Has PK laughed at, oops, with you yet?
As a matter of fact, he has.  On our drive home, he asked how I was feeling and I said, “I whunna hughfld uh mwhoonie.” I was trying to say “I wanna hock a loogie,” or in other words, “There seems to be a buildup of phlegm at the back of my throat that will neither come up nor go down, and it is causing me minor discomfort.”  I sounded so ridiculous that even I was laughing at myself, but Poor Kyle couldn’t tell if I was laughing or sobbing.  To his credit, he only started laughing once he was sure I was laughing, and not, in fact, bawling.  The loogie’s still there—I’m forbidden to spit for two months.

20. Did you leave the place on your own two feet?
How do you mean?  I got into the wheelchair with my own two feet, and left the wheelchair for the truck with my own two feet.

21. What’s the first thing you intend to ingest? Or already did?
Drugs.  Water.  1 cup of apple sauce.

22. What colour was the horse that kicked you in the face? J/k.
Ummm…huh?

23. If you’re dead, does your mouth still hurt?
Yes.

24. Who gets your MacBook?
Poor Kyle, but only until he buys his own (which might happen sooner than later).  After that, he can donate it to charity.  Or give it to my sister.  Everyone else I know already has a laptop.

25. You’re not really giving your RED Kitchenaid to your MIL, are you? Hint.
Actually it’s black, and it WOULD be a toss-up between you and my MIL (although she doesn’t like Kitchenaids™—she’s a Bosch person), but my sister was the one who bought it for me, and her own is like 50 years old, so she should probably get mine as an upgrade.  Seems fair.  Sorry!

26. Can you see the vultures swarming?
No, why?  Can you?

27. Have any pretty young things come to the door to console PK, oops, You yet?
No, but if they do I’ll spit mucous-y blood on them—oh, I am not allowed to spit.  I’ll throw my bloody tissues in their faces, then.  I hate them.

28. What inspirational thought have you learned thus far from the MAJOR surgery?
I would be so embarrassed to die from getting my wisdom teeth out—I’ve learned that I want to die nobly, for a cause, and not lying on a stinking table with my mouth pried open.

29. Would you rather have stuck a needle and/or scalpels and various other devices in your eye?
If the recovery time was shorter and allowed me to spit afterwards?  Yes.

30. What do you want to be when you grow up? That is, of course, assuming you’ll live through this and actually have the opportunity to grow up.
A paid, professional blogger.

31. Who to you hate most in your life?
Satan.  He sucks.

32. Who is your favorite person?
Jesus, by the same token.  And Poor Kyle.

33.  Who is your all time favorite blogger and why?
You.

34. How old were you when you got your period?
12 or 13.  I hated womanhood then, and I hate it now.

35. What size of bra do you wear?
Ask Victoria.  No, really.  I haven’t been fitted for a bra since around my wedding, and I’ve since gained and lost some weight.  Last I checked I was in the 30s (heh.) and my cup size rhymed with “Z.”

36. Do you REALLY hate Walmart?
I REALLY do.  Passionately.  Haven’t returned since October, and I never will.

37. What is your favorite “position?”
I can’t imagine what you mean.  Right now, I’m sitting up with my head elevated.  :  )

38. I want to know why you chose to be affiliated with your chosen political party.
Obama’s dashing.

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